Sacrilegious

I went to Tony's Old Fashion Tavern tonight to clear my head and drink some beer. It's the diviest dive near my soon-to-be former apartment and probably the best bar I know of to go to alone. I was drinking beer and reading Rolling Stone when this drunk multi-pierced guy sat down in my booth.

"Shit man, tomorrow's Easter," he said.
"Yeah, it is. Wow I totally forgot," I said.
"Man I fuckin hate Jesus."
"Well then you should like Easter because it's when he died."
"You want to hear a joke?" I said yes. "What's this?" He mimed Jesus spread eagle on a crucifix. I told him I didn't know. "One hell of a way to spend Easter." I laughed even though it wasn't that funny. It was sacrilegious, which was good enough.

Then this hot short-haired tattooed girl who had recently been making out with another hot short-haired tattooed girl walked up to my booth. She could barely see straight, you could tell.

"What's this?" she said. She mimed an open palm facing her crotch, bobbing her hand up and down. We didn't know what it was.
"Jesus jacking off."

Happy Easter Time & Space Lounge!