Polk Street Philosopher?

Hey kids, here's another installment of Crazy San Franciscans!

My girlfriend and I were walking down Polk Street the other day. We were on our way back to our apartment after purchasing an Aerobie at Lombardi Sports. I am planning on infiltrating the hippie world over at Golden Gate Park and I have learned that the quickest way to a hippie's heart is through an "amazing" flying disc man. Hackey-sacking just seems too cliche man.

Anyways, walking down Polk, mid-afternoon, here is the short exchange:

Crazy guy who looks like the prospector from the Arizona lottery dressed in a leisure suit: "Benjamin Franklin's monocle!" (screaming)

Me: "Let's walk that way." (indicating a direction away from the crazy guy)

My girlfriend: "What did he say?" (ignoring my indication to avoid the crazy bum)

Swank Prospector guy: "Benjamin Franklin's monocle!!!" (louder now because we are closer)

Me: Silence, while making mistake of eye contact with crazy guy.

Now noticeably smelly crazy guy: "Benjamin Franklin's monocle! You gotta get wit' this!" (directed at me, the smell of urine is overwhelming)

Me: "Okay."

Crazy guy: Begins speaking in tongues and spouting unintelligible gibberish.

My girlfriend: "What did he say?"

Me: "I think he said Benjamin Franklin's monocle."

...and scene.

This next one is more sad than funny, but it stuck in my mind.

From the Emergency Room Ambulance bay...

Me: "Hello ma'am, I'm from registration. I need to ask you a few questions."

Older woman on stretcher strapped down with head and neck braces: "Okay."

Me: "Can you tell me your address and phone number?"

Woman: "I was at the drugstore and I was walking down the aisle."

Me: "You can tell your nurse what happened, I just need some basic information. Do you have any friends or family that we should contact?"

Woman: "I know what you are going to ask next. I wasn't drinking!"

Me: "Ma'am, I'm not the doctor and I could care less if you've been drinking."

Woman: "Oh, because I stopped drinking 2 months ago."

Me: "Okay, so do you have a primary care doctor?"

Woman: "I was just walking down the aisle, then I knocked a bunch of stuff over and fell down."

Me: "Ma'am have you been to this hospital before?"

Woman: "I'll be honest. I had a few drinks before I went shopping."

That's all.

I am going to go eat an inferior S.F. burrito. Tucson's burritos are better.