Crap on a crap cracker! It's Mr. Chair's Comic Book Pick of the Week!!!

The comic books out this week are so good, it's not fair to all the other comic books. I have a very difficult task ahead of me, and I'm not up to it. So I'm going to cheat and mention many new comic books, followed by an official pick.

It's nothing short of an event when a new Planetary comes out, and the latest issue, "The Torture of William Leather," is no exception. Ellis has described Planetary as a repository for his decades of research into comic book mythology. But that's an understatement, because, like Starman and Marvels and Kingdom Come, it's a powerful look at what these fantastic stories mean to our culture. But it's not the pick of the week. Sleeper, by Ed Brubaker, is also particularly good this week as it follows a night out on the town with Miss Misery, a good-hearted girl who can only survive as long as she's inflicting suffering. Then there was Human Target, by Peter Milligan, with another spot-on topical one-shot. Oh my god it doesn't stop, because Ellis knocked another UF Four out of the park with the coming to term of his "N-Zone" story arc. No more I can't possible take any more! Okay maybe just a little bit of Y: The Last Man, with some big revelations, character development and a little monkey named Ampersand.

Phew, I'm worn out, and we haven't even gotten to the MCCBPOtW, which is ..... "WE3," by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely. The real winner this week is me, of course, for getting to read all of these. But since I had to pick one, it's the final installment of Morrison's tear-jerking, ultra-violent action miniseries about cute little animals mounted with assault weapons. Frank Quitely and Grant Morrison should never be apart. Some of the best splash pages you'll see this year are in WE3. And the heroic role of a housecat holds a special place in my heart. Deny my pick! I dare you!

Cominatcha! Mr. Chair's Comic Book Pick of the Week!!!

I'm struggling this week, but I guess the best was Daredevil, by Brian Michael Bendis. I could go on and on about how Bendis is an overrated, self-promoting whore who is clearly more interested in making a name for himself and getting into screenwriting than he is about making anything new or exciting in comic books. Hey look at that, I just did. But the fact of the matter is, sometimes he writes a pretty entertaining comic book. Daredevil is usually good, largely because of Alex Maleev, but this recent storyline with fabricated silver-age storylines intertwined with a current plot is particularly fun to read. It's a throwback to old superheroes and crime comics, when Batman fought local grifters and mob bosses instead of the Joker. While he's far from a Will Eisner (RIP, sniff sniff), Bendis may be an appropriate heir of Stan Lee. And his fun superhero stories make a pretty good case for it.

Also good: Brubaker's Authority is coming along nicely. It's not quite the Authority of yore, but pretty good still.
Good last week: 100 Bullets had some dramatic major plot points this last New Orleans-based arc.

The Importance of Being Clyde

There's this women's group in Vancouver, Wa., where all of these career climbers gather around with other pseudo-powerful people and "network." It's a miserable party, but I had to go to report on this hospital CEO's speech at such a luncheon today. The woman hosting the event announced that everyone would have to introduce themselves by name, organization, and "your best mentor or teacher and what role he or she played in your life." I thought she surely can't mean the whole room, there's like 100 people in here. But sure enough, every single pant-suited, hairsprayed one of them told of some pant-suited, hairsprayed branch manager they worked under, or about their kids, "who keep me grounded."

"I had to have surgery last year, and I couldn't paint my toenails, so my daughter came to the hospital and did it for me. She got toenail polish all over my toes, and when I got upset she just said, 'Relax Mom, it's just your toenails.' That was a real epiphany for me, and that's why she's my greatest teacher." That one's my favorite. Then a husband in attendance said, "My best teacher is my best friend and wife Janie." Then his wife got up and said her best teacher is her supervisor at work.

I considered jumping out the window and into the Columbia River to escape my turn, but I was the third person to go and I was still sort of in shock from the toenail polish story. All I could think of was Grant Warren, who taught me how to bartend and not get in the weeds. He told me run the bar and not let the bar run me. Great advice. But I just told them my best teacher is my mom. It was an easy answer. But sitting there and having to face such a fucking retarded question, and hearing all of these retarded answers like, "She taught me to love everyone," and "He taught me to always find the silliness," I had to look around at this bunch and wonder who the fuck these people were. Who is actually like this? Or are they all just bullshitting me? But no, there are actually people like this. They wear scarves, and cufflinks. They play golf every weekend. They belong to clubs. The spend their days in board rooms and hotel conference rooms talking in circles and validating their existence by joining various subcommittees. And their heroes are branch managers.

My friend Joe and I were driving to Home Depot the other day and he started telling me about his family gatherings during the holidays and about his Uncle Clyde, who always got really drunk. Joe's an older guy, and has tons of great stories from his years in the Navy or working for the park system. But my favorite is about his Uncle Clyde, the scoundrel, alcoholic, bisexual nutcase who would sneak away to the bars during holidays and come back with a withered, drunken hag on his arm and introduce her to the family. Or when he'd go fishing and then bring his catch to Joe's house and put it between his parents' while they were sleeping. Now there's a role model. There's a goddamned teacher.

Uncle Clyde was some sort of distributor for bars, and used to take Joe around when he was a kid and make his stops around town. He'd have done pretty well for himself, but every bar he went to, the bartender would just give him free drinks until he was too wasted to remember the bill he was trying to collect. Uncle Clyde had another curious habit. He didn't like his name, first or last, and felt it was best if he went by something else in his business and social dealings. So when young Joe would call him Uncle Clyde in public, Clyde would interrupt and say, "No no, shh, nobody knows me as Clyde around here Joey. When we're out, you always call me Brad. Brad Bradford." Bradford wasn't even his last name. He must have just liked the sound of it.

So now that I've really given it some thought, my best mentor is my friend Joe's Uncle Clyde, though I've never met him. He taught me that sometimes you just shouldn't use your real name. We should all be so lucky to have a mentor like Uncle Clyde. I mean Brad Bradford.

BLESSED BE THIS DAY

I hope you all are having a very pleasant ELVISMAS for today is the anniversary of our Lord and Savior, Elvis Presley.

He has taught us many things in his preachings, such as "Don't Be Cruel" to your brothers and sisters.

It is easy to get stuck at "Heartbreak Hotel" but it takes strength to be a "Big Hunk O' Love."

Never succumb to your "Suspicious Minds."

Treat yourself with love as you "Love Me Tender."

Concrete walls do not a prison make, nor steel bars a cage, so remember that even you can make a "Jailhouse Rock."

Hubris and Nemesis will overtake your life if you ask for "Too Much."

Love all, even the most "Hard Headed Woman," or you too may end up "All Shook Up."

Live Life for today, for "It's Now Or Never."

And Finally, embrace the unknown. It's okay to have a "Good Luck Charm."

I hope you all remember his preachings and live by his word. It is truly a wonderful sight in my town, tonight. People have lights on their houses and giant Hound Dogs everywhere. People are smiling and singing his wonderful songs and greeting each other with "Merry Elvismas."

It is truly a wonderful sight.

Can you feel the love? It's all around us. I just wanted to write and wish you all a wonderful holiday, and happy Elvisanakah to my Jewish friends.

Shpadoinkle! It's Mr. Chair's Comic Book Pick of the Week!

And not even that late in the week! Too much superhero stuff lately, so I'm going with...

Indie Western Retro Books: When Jack Batlin lent me a mini-series years ago written by Joe R. Lansdale, about Tonto and the Lone Ranger fighting a man-eating mummy, it became very obvious to me that horror/western comics were a genre way undertapped. So after being a little disappointed with the first one, I'm finally sold on "Western Tales of Terror," after issue #2. The frame is a mockup of the old Creepshow and Tales from the Crypt comics, where a spooky narrator tells a handful of gory short stories in one issue. There's even one story in #2 that's told in 2nd person, "You're just a boy living in a small town with your father ..." So cool and dead-on the classic horror comic style. That and a couple of good running serials are making the whole package a blast.

Also out this week was "Desperadoes: Banners of Gold," from IDW. Nice to see an IDW title not written by Steve Niles. This is also a pretty cool western with supernatural themes. John Cassady does the cover too. New in a series of Desperadoes books, it's about the same band of outlaws, this time escorting a sexy psychic and her entourage across Arizona to New Mexico.

Also a good one: David Lapham's second Batman Detective Comics (#802) came out. The story is getting complicated and extremely dark. Something about a blackmarket baby ring with Gotham's villians somehow complicit. Other highlights include a half-dozen dead pregnant girls, and a scene with Batman sitting down for a cup of tea with a stranger. Would be cool if Lapham drew it, but he does the layout and a great cover.

Catfish Vegas picks of 2004

At the record shop:
1. Modest Mouse - Good News For People Who Love Bad News
2. Wilco - A Ghost is Born
3. Green Day - American Idiot
4. Elliott Smith - From A Basement On The Hill
5. Arcade Fire - Funeral
Click here for the rest of music.

At the cinema:
1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
2. Fahrenheit 9/11
3. Hero
4. Kill Bill 2
5. Shaun of the Dead
Click here for the rest of movies.

And just to follow Mr. Chair's lead here's a bit of television:
Baseball playoffs, Arrested Development, King of the Hill.
and dvd: Return of the King.

Mr. Chair's picks of the year!

What better thing to do on a holiday devoted to a hangover, than start the ball rolling on some best of the year lists? This is a pretty informal list, so I make no guarantee that these are in fact best of the year, not to mention whether they even came out this year. They are also unranked unless specified.

Best Movies:
1. Spiderman 2. I'm biased, but what an outstanding movie. I've seen it three times now and the train chase scene still leaves me in complete awe.
2. I Heart Huckabees. I was very skeptical because it sounded like it was going to be really pretentious. Considering it's a comedy about existentialism, it should have been awful. Instead I enjoyed every minute.
3. The Grudge. "Not as good as the Japanese version, blah blah ... Sarah Michelle Gellar not so good blah blah ... Weak plot blah blah ..." It scared the piss out of me like no other movie has. Argument over.
4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Charlie Kaufman can't make a bad movie. Kate Winslet can do no wrong. Jim Carrey is a better actor than anyone gives him credit for.
5. Shaun of the Dead. I also really liked the Dawn of the Dead remake, but two zombie movies might be a bit much. Shaun was so damn original and funny.
Worst Movie: The sleeper indie hit of the year, What the Bleep Do We Know? is in fact a veiled propaganda piece from a southern Washington-state cult founded by a former cable tv saleswoman who goes by the name Ramtha. The directors and most of the experts are cult members, and one expert has publicly objected to the manipulation of his ideas. That and the narrative that goes alonside the documentary is nauseatingly bad.

Best Albums:
1. Modest Mouse, Good News for People Who Love Bad News. Whether you're a rock snob or a radio listener, Modest Mouse was the band of the year. Deny it.
2. Elliott Smith, From a Basement on a Hill. Tragic lyrics, fun music. From the grave a great release.
3. Calexico, Convict Pool. Even with just five songs, my favorite band strolls into the best of the year.
4. The Streets, a grand don't come for free. The most ambitious album of the year is also one of the best, easily. No genre.
5. Wilco, a ghost is born. Hard to overlook this one. Not the masterpiece that Yankee Hotel Foxtrot was, but still stellar.
Best Album that shouldn't be missed despite the strange concept: William Shatner, Has Been. I can hardly listen to Pulp's original version of Common People without wishing it was Shatner, Ben Folds and Joe Jackson. A solid album to be taken seriously.

Best Songs:
1. Common People, William Shatner.
2. Float On, Modest Mouse. Song of the year hands down.
3. Work, Jimmy Eat World. Not the best album, but definitely a great pop single.
4. U2, Vertigo. This album should be in my best list, and would have been if it were anyone but U2 and I didn't have to judge them against the rest of their body of work. U2 still does and always has kicked ass, and Vertigo proves they never lost it.
5. Wilco, The Late Greats. Buried on their newest album of progressive pop rock is a little gem that could be plucked right from classic Wilco. It's a reminder of why we like the band.

Best TV:
1. Arrested Development. For the first time, mainstream comedy uses David Cross effectively.
2. The O.C. I fucking love this show. Everyone needs a little teen drama, and this one is smart, funny, over the top, and features great music often from bands that aren't even signed.
3. Six Feet Under. Talk about over the top, this season was nuts. Still minute for minute one of most intelligent dramas I've ever seen, in any artform.
4. Desparate Housewives. I resisted this show for a long time, and finally caved and watched an episode on Tivo. I have problems with it, namely the sickly sweet tone that's really obnoxious and overkill. But I became addicted to the extremely brave concept and weekly plot twists that make up for any network primetime cheesiness. It's high concept is very much like Twin Peaks and will probably burn out in similar fashion. Should be fun!
5. Nip/Tuck. I don't know how FX gets away with the shit they do on Nip/Tuck. I have to close my eyes during the surgery scenes, and I can't turn away during the naked scenes. This show is great dark parody that I can't get enough of.
Worst TV: All reality shows. Fuck! Enough! It's fake, it's not fun to watch, and has no artistic merit. It's shit like "Heir to the Throne," and "The Biggest Loser," that give snobs like Finnagain fodder for slamming TV.

Best DVD's:
1. The Simpsons, season 4. Probably the best Simpsons season, it's packed with commentary on every single episode and documentaries.
2. Hellboy. An awesome movie, but Guillermo del Toro makes the DVD with pop-up mini-comics written and drawn by del Toro and Mike Mignola, Hellboy's creator. The best extra I've seen in a while.
3. Freaks and Geeks, the entire series. Can't say enough good about this show. Watch it right this second.
4. Firefly, the entire series. Squandered in a deadly timeslot and butchered by Fox execs who felt the two-hour pilot wasn't action packed enough. The DVD resurrects Joss Whedon's third series in original form and order, with three unaired episodes.
5. Dawn of the Dead. Featuring a mini documentary about how to make heads explode.

I'll probably post this and then think of several unforgivable omissions, but anyway. There's what comes to mind. Anyone?