A Funny about Net Neutrality

(JIM, a simple guy with dark hair, sits alone at home,
on a crappy black ikea couch, talking on his cellphone
to LUKE.

LUKE is dressed like a member of Fleetwood Mac;
has on an 80's hair wig, aviator glasses, and
is wandering around a public park weirdly stroking
his chest hair.)

JIM:
So.

LUKE:
Complex issue here.

JIM:
Yes.

LUKE:
Black and white or gray and grayyyy?

JIM:
Both.

LUKE:
Ok.

JIM:
Regulation good or regulation bad?

LUKE:
Depends.

JIM:
Why don't they open up a new internet and just charge extra for that if they want to make cash for premium service?

LUKE:
Dunno, dude.

JIM:
This is going to drive me crazy thinking about it.

LUKE:
What about municipal wifi?

JIM:
Do you want to pay for it?

LUKE:
I'd pay 1 cent on every dollar for muni wifi.

JIM:
Yeah?

LUKE:
Sure would. Shitfire! Free internet for e'rybody!

JIM:
You'd still have to send some packets to a server at one of the telcoms eventually.

LUKE:
Oh...true.

(LUKE produces a ripe plum from his pocket and eats it.)

JIM
Well then. I guess we're powerless.

LUKE:
No way, man. I'm not powerless. Look at these guns!

JIM:
Nice.

LUKE:
Do you wanna call your congressman or something?

JIM
Ok. (Calls Congressman Bob.) Hello?

(CONGRESSMAN BOB in his office, spinning around in his chair
smoking cigars, putting into a mug. Documents and pictures
of himself with famous politicians line his tiny office.
He also has an odd stain on his shirt.)

BOB:
Congressman Bob here, what do you want?

JIM:
Please vote for net neutrality!

BOB:
Net Boobality! I'll vote it down just for you!

JIM:
No, no. Net Neutrality. About regulating telcoms.

BOB:
I have a telephone. Yes. Are you the telephone repairman?

JIM:
Um...yes.

BOB:
About time you called! I was just about to have my morning game of Pinocle. Do you like Pinocle, son?

JIM:
Vote for Net Neutrality, ok bye!

BOB:
I love you!

JIM:
I love you, too!

BOB:
I love you too. What a nice young man.

(CONGRESSMAN BOB twirls a drumstick.
(not a drumming drumstick, rather, a chickenwing.))

LUKE:
Feel good?

JIM:
Yeah. I guess. I just...

LUKE:
What?

JIM:
I don't know what to think about Net Neutrality. I am absolutely blank.

LUKE:
Ever wonder...what is the internet like in Japan?

JIM:
I bet they're way ahead of us.

FIN